Surprise!
by Diana M
Summary: G.I.Jo with a supernatural twist...


Surprise

Surprise!  
By Diana M.  
  
The ninja stood quietly. Cold, calculating. It did not move. It needn't  
waste the motion; having been trained to use minimum effort for maximum effect.   
Besides, the unit of COBRA vipers behind it was more than enough backup to  
negate any flourishes or show of strength. One Joe, no matter which one it was,  
could never defeat such odds. Underneath his dark hood, the ninja chuckled to himself.  
He doubted the Joe could make it past the cold steel of his blade. He watched the man   
coolly. Foolish trooper, he was putting down both the pack containing the Destro Stealth  
Tank plans and his gun. Was he giving up so easily? The ninja smiled to himself and  
thought back to master Storm Shadow's words, Western barbarism will always fold when   
faced with the reality of the ninja. The brute can never conquer the cold stone might of  
the ninja. What truth lay in those words! Look, the little Joe was just standing there,  
panting. He had already accepted his fate. Look at him shiver with fear and rage!  
  
Flush with confidence of his own superiority, the ninja turned to the troopers behind  
him. He opened his mouth to issue orders, but stopped short when he saw their eyes  
widen in horror. The Joe must have reclaimed his weapon. The ninja pulled his blade  
from its scabbard with a gentle swishing sound. In two seconds, the Joe would no  
longer need to fear the future. Swiftly, he turned to seal the man's fate. Foolish  
Western warriors. Would they ever learn? The ninja silently called upon his chi...  
  
And was thus totally unprepared for the long taloned claws that grabbed his  
arms and ripped them from his shoulders. The ninja heard the troopers behind him  
screech, and listened to the clatter of their retreat. Cowards! he called. this is a  
mere wound of the body. It cannot destroy my inner spirit!  
  
The ninja jumped and spun through the air, arm sockets spraying blood, delivering  
a swift kick to the shaggy maw that loomed over him. His mind did not waste time in  
questioning this new predicament. Like a computer, it was already several steps ahead;   
to the next blow. He was a little taken aback when his foot met with little effect. He saw the  
claws grasp his leg below the knee, then twist. As he spun, the ninja was surprised at the  
lack of pain. His adrenaline must have taken over. He watched his leg fly across the room,  
almost amused to see it hit the far wall with a wet splat. He found himself on his back. Still, the ninja fought to command his body. If he could just get up on his remaining leg, he  
would show his opponent the strength and endurance of a true warrior. He heard a deep  
growling above him.   
  
Stupid Joes, nothing more than mindless animals.   
  
He struggled to sit upright, and found himself looking into a pair of crystalline blue   
eyes set within a golden monster's face. It's breath was hot. The ninja's mind worked to  
explain with its cold logic the situation at hand. It could not. There was no logical   
explanation for the creature before him. He watched as its lips pulled back, revealing long,   
white, sharp teeth. The ninja felt his strength ebb as his blood puddled on the floor   
beneath him. His mind snapped.  
  
This was particularly convenient, as he did not feel his nerves, bones, muscles and veins being pulled and ripped as his head was torn from his shoulders.  
  
The werewolf tossed the head aside and went back to retrieve his gun and pack.  
He kept one ear facing the hall down which the COBRA troopers had retreated. He  
chuckled deep in his chest. No matter how many ninjas he tore apart, they all came at  
him the same way. At least this one didn't bash him with sticks or throw those annoying  
stars at him. Those things hurt.  
  
Looking behind to be sure there was no one coming, the werewolf shoved his gun   
into the pack, and laid it on the floor. It closed its eyes and breathed.....deeply. Once.  
Twice. Three times. It opened its eyes, but not to see the stone walls around it. With  
another deep breath, the werewolf began to-shift. Sinews and bones crackling, it's body  
reformed. Soon, a wolf the size of a pony stood on all fours where the werewolf had once  
been. It grabbed the straps of the pack in its mouth and went to sneak back out of the  
fortress.  
  
  
**********  
  
  
Destro wearily took in the remains of the large banquet that lay before him. Seated  
around the long table, several of COBRA's elite operatives collectively groaned and  
eased back in their chairs. A deep snore reverberated from where Scrap Iron had  
slumped into his gravy.  
  
Commander, I fail to see the point of these wasteful exercises in   
excess, Destro dipped his napkin into the finger bowl before him and wiped  
genteelly at the corners of his mouth.  
  
I do not find them wasteful, Destro, Cobra Commander hissed from behind his mask, one cannot plan on an empty stomach.  
  
Ridiculous, Commander! Scrap Iron started awake as Destro slammed   
a beryllium steel-clad fist on the table, They waste finances, they waste food and, worst  
of all, they waste time! We should have already reviewed the plans for the construction  
and implementation of the new stealth tank! While we fritter away needless hours on  
pointless bauccian celebrations, G.I. Joe becomes ever stronger and ever more  
prepared.  
  
The Commander laughed, Peace, noble Destro! he lifted a wineglass up under his  
cowl and sipped slowly, G.I. Joe will be no more ready for the new tank in these  
few hours than they were before.  
  
You should know by now that it is dangerous to underestimate their  
abilities! We thought we were prepared for them at Stonehenge, yet they managed  
once again to thwart our plans, rescue Scarlett and destroy a fortress full of equipment  
and plans that cost millions! a large crack ran from where Destro had again pounded the  
table to the Commander's glass.  
  
The Commander spoke a dangerous whisper, Stonehenge was Serpentor's  
campaign, Destro. My part in that fiasco was small. I, for one, refuse to put my  
weight behind such pointless mumbo jumbo.  
  
Except for Transylvania, the Baroness whispered to Tomax.  
  
The Commander rose from his seat, I am ready to review the plans   
now. Have them brought immediately.  
  
Of course, Commander, Destro sighed and turned to the Viper on who had  
just come on duty by the door. Go and fetch the plans for the Destro Stealth A3,  
he snapped his fingers. Cobra Commander relaxed into his seat and sipped again  
from his glass.  
  
Well, sir, I actually just came to tell you something about that, the viper made  
an attempt to nervously loosen his collar.  
  
There is no time for discussion, fetch the plans and tell me when you return.  
  
The viper took a step back, well, sir, you see, I can't actually DO that.  
  
Why not? Destro's voice was even.  
  
Well, you, see, it's hard to believe, I mean, I can't imagine myself how it's at  
all possible, what with the strength of the guard and all the alarms-new alarms in fact,  
the best one's we could find-  
  
WHAT happened?  
  
The Viper slumped over in resignation, They're not there. Sir.   
  
Glasses and plates smashed to the floor, a chair scraped against  
the floor as Cobra Commander leaped again to his feet. Destro closed his eyes and  
pinched the bridge of his nose, What is the meaning of this, Destro?! You promised  
me a tank!  
  
Destro exhaled slowly, Where are the plans now, Viper?  
  
I don't know, sir, we were infiltrated an hour ago. We-ahhh, the guards  
on duty were unaware until unit 5 packed themselves into the infirmary. They've gone  
insane, sir. Something about a monster, sir, a bell went off in the back of Destro's mind.  
  
Destro, this would have NEVER HAPPENED IF YOU HAD USED MY NINJA  
FORCES!!! The Commander's voice rose with each word, WHERE IS MY NINJA?  
  
Commander, I cannot understand why you rely on those archaic sword wielding  
maniacs you insist upon keeping in your employ. Their training is expensive and their egos  
top your own. They constantly either underestimate their enemy or overestimate  
themselves. One is enough, for infiltrative purposes, but you waste money having  
Storm Shadow train rank upon rank of soldier who has yet to prove effective against  
a simple soldier armed with a large automatic weapon.  
  
The Viper cleared his throat again, Or monster, sir? his nervous chuckle was cut off  
as a bullet from the Commander's sidearm smashed through his throat. He hit the wall with  
a thud, and slid silently to the floor.  
  
Do you pay your Vipers to be comedians, Destro? If so, you are obviously  
wasting your money. WHERE IS MY NINJA?  
  
I stationed your well-loved anachronism in the hall next to the vault, Commander,  
Destro noticed an officer standing just outside the door, holding something about the size of a basketball wrapped in cloth, Perhaps you can solve our dilemma, MacMurphy? He   
waved the nervous officer forward.  
  
Ahem, yes, sir, well, in fact sir... ahhhhh...here he is, the officer unwrapped the  
object to reveal the ninja's severed head. Blood dripped slowly from the ragged neck. The cowl had been pulled back to reveal the ninja's face.  
  
What's left, The Baroness pushed her plate of steak tartare away and  
grimaced.  
  
Scrap Iron laughed, Well, from the look of him, whatever got him must have given   
him one Hell of a surprise.   
  
The commander screamed and grabbed a large tureen from the banquet table.  
He launched it with a holler at the Viper Officer, who dropped the ninja's head and made  
a hasty retreat. Destro stood up and strode over to the mess. He grabbed the head by  
a lock of exposed hair and tossed it on the table in front of the Commander, This,   
my dear Commander, is what happens when you insist on wasting time and money  
upon ridiculous and pointless extravagances. Banquets and ninjas be Damned!  
  
The Commander swept the table with his arm; dishes and the head crashed  
to the floor. Outside, in the nearby mountains, a wolf howled mockingly.


End file.
